During the very first episode of Oprah and Prince Harry’s mental health series, The Me You Can’t See, Lady Gaga opened up about her past like never before.
She shared about the time she got pregnant after she was sexually assaulted. The pop star is a survivor of sexual assault. She came as a guest on the premiere episode of Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry’s new Apple TV+ unscripted series. The show launches on May 21 and will include conversations surrounding mental health.
During the first episode, Lady Gaga shared details about the time she found out she was expecting after nonconsensual sex. She explained that she was 19 years old and was working in the business. The musician shared a producer asked her to take her clothes off. She further added that she refused and left but they told her they were going to burn all of her music.
The Oscar winner said, “They didn’t stop asking me, and I just froze and I—I don’t even remember.” This made her emotional as she explained later on that she has decided not to name the producer. The reason behind the decision is that she never wants to face him again. She further described the industry as “abusive and dangerous”.
Lady Gaga described a time years later when she went to the hospital in pain and numbness. She was surprised when she knew a psychiatrist was there to see her rather than a medical doctor.
“I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple years, I was not the same girl”
“First I felt full-on pain, then I went numb,” the “Poker Face” vocalist shared. “And then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after, and I realized that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on a corner. At my parents’ house because I was vomiting and sick. Because I’d been being abused. I was locked away in a studio for months.”
Lady Gaga revealed that she felt changed by the pain she had endured and this led to her psychotic break. But this was still going on when she accepted the Oscar for A Star Is Born in 2019. “I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple of years, I was not the same girl,” she said.
The musician shared that the way she felt when felt pain was how she was felt after the rape. She further added that she has had many MRIs and scans where they could not find anything. “But your body remembers,” the Oscar winner said.
Lady Gaga further explained that she has more recently also dealt with impulses towards self-harm. “You know why it’s not good to cut? You know why it’s not good to throw yourself against the wall? You know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse,” she added. “You think you’re going to feel better because you’re showing somebody, ‘Look, I’m in pain.’ It doesn’t help.”
The star concluded on a hopeful note, explaining that after several years, she “learned all the ways to pull myself out of it. It all started to slowly change.” The Me You Can’t See premieres Friday, May 21 on Apple TV+.